An everyday struggle

This is not cattle related but I don't view the board as being a one topic site. We are a community & many have shared thoughts & life experiences w/ each other. I feel that maybe what I'm going to share might hit a nerve w/ someone else or maybe someone has the same problem. I suffer from depression. This is a bit of a bad day so i thought I'd try to sit down & address it.
Some days it's not bad & others I can hardly make it out of bed. I can usually tell a bad day by just how my body feels. I've suffered from this most of my life. I look back & realize that many of my moods as teenager might not have been completely normal. I also came from a family that viewed depression as a mental sickness. I still can't talk to my mom about it.
I don't want sympathy about this. I want to talk about it. I think many farmers/ranchers suffer from depression. Many times our lives are some what separate from the outside world. We often live in rural areas & there is not much help or treatment. There is also a stigma that goes along w/ it.
I do take medicine & I see a doctor. I think the most important part is knowing there is a problem & being able to talk about it. This is also a bad time of the year for me. I try to focus more on the true meaning of Christmas & not get caught up in the hype. I guess this year my stress reliever has been baking. My cattle are also a big stress reliever. Many times when i feel really down I go out & just spend time looking at the cows. Pushing myself to work w/ the calves also helps. Woody has helped a lot & I am blessed to have my hubby.
If anyone ever wants to talk to me feel free to do so. I am more than a moderator but am also a friend & a shoulder. I know many people think that if you just get off your pity party you can help yourself. I'm not sure how effective that is. A positive outlook does help as well as a well balanced diet. Plenty of good quality sleep also helps although there are days when I can sleep 24 hours.
Thank you for letting me get this off my shoulders. Like I said, I don't want sympathy, I just wanted to share this w/ my community.
Red

i've been depressed in my life as well.  being a virgo, it kinda goes with the territory.  my mom's side are all virgo's and it was depressing always visiting them.  my aunt not by blood is the uplifted one in the bunch, they all have suffered miserably through lot's of sickness, poor decisions, jealosy, etc.  my dad's side are mostly upbeat, bible readers but not church goers, and they've done well.  throughout my life i have always vascillated between these two.  a couple times during christmas season, i checked out and didn't participate.  i have been a little put off about obligitory holidays but now that i have a daughter it's pretty good.  i haven't looked at my cows enough as i'm always busy not really accomplishing much, just kind of a busy body.  my wife's kind of a loner, as is all of her family and a couple of them are so bad they are on disability, had their kids taken away etc.  i'm finally dealing with mortality, both from friends and neighbors dying, getting cancer, recovering etc.  talked with my neighbor the other day who worked for ampex and helped minaturize the vcr for japan at ampex and he had beads put in instead of surgery.  his wife recently died of complications from diabetes.  i told him pretty much every guy has it at advanced age and it's not that rare.  he just purchased a new corvette, souped it up to about 700hp and races it at two of the local tracks with his son.  i have a joke about my mom's side, here goes.  my mom is so anal retentive, she wouldn't take a crap if she didn't have too.  she drinks wheat germ DRY out of the bottle trying to reduce her cholesterol by 1 point.  she NEEDS fat as her joints ache.  she' pretty much losing it as she hit my sister at a funeral for my dad's mom about some bs and doesn't even remember it.  my daughter whispered the other day, "hey daddy, do you know anyone who is pregnant?"  we've been trying, but haven't been able too, and since my wife is kinda depressy, it doens't make it any easier to go to the next leve.  everything is ok per  doctors, but i want to put the two together in the dark so to speak so they are not so tired getting to the balcony......and not do et as i guess that's about 20k for people.  cowboy? ;D

Red - Most people that have not lived with depression, either having it or through a family member, do not realize how serious this can be. My exwife battles depression, I did everything I could possibly do to help her but in the end I couldn't win the battle. I think a large part of why she left was to spare me and our daughter some of her suffering. I still do what I can for her but geographical distance limits what I can do. I feel for you and your family Red and hope your days get brighter every day. Keep up the good fight and take care of yourself.

Mark- you are & have always been a bright spot in my days. I knew this would strike a chord w/ you. Thanks for the reply.

Red

Well, I don't battle major depression, I have anxiety which is related but definalty not the same.  In my line of work and with my family, I do deal with depression a lot.  I know that knowing that you have it and that you can minimize its effects on your life is a HUGE step forward, so my complements to you Red, that isn't an easy feat. 

I don't know if this will help you or anyone else or not, and it isn't directly related but I would like to share...
About a year ago to the day my Husband called me at work and told me his cousin had been killed in a car accident.  His cousin was on his way home from college and had fallen asleep at the wheel.  He crossed the center line and plowed into a semi.  The semi saw him coming and tried to get away from him but couldn't.  It was awful!  It tore the whole family up.  The funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever sat though in my life.  From that day on I realized how lucky I am every day that I have my family and friends.  Since that day I have not had a bad day.  A bad day is when someone calls to tell you that their cousin has been killed in a car accident, or your uncle has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, or whatever.

Now, I know that won't help anyone who wakes up depressed,  because you can't talk yourself out of being depressed.  but it may help just a little.  This weather we are having here in Ohio doesn't help either

I sure wish I could help more
Take care!

yes, I know that Fluffer & I try to practice that too. I'm thankful for what I have & try to remember that when it's a bad day. Sometimes that old bear has you in a grip & you just can't talk your way out of it.
Thanks for the help & for the messages & phone calls. I just thought it was a good topic to talk about this time of year.

Red

I had anxiety attacks this weekend and almost called my doctor for a prescription. It was not fun and thought I needed to go to the hospital. I feel normal now, but sometimes it is a bear.

Red, you're one of my heroes. Hang in there and call me whenever. Hugs and kisses to you and give Hubby a big hug also... Oh, and tell that Foreplay cow to have a good Triple X calf.

No question, Red, it's not just a "having a bad" day malady.  I think one thing that is helpful, but that is very hard for anyone who is making a living with livestock to make themselves do, is aerobic exercise.  How can anyone think that more exercise, after a whole day of tending livestock and working one's butt off, could be helpful or even possible!  (lol) 

But, the endorphins released with aerobic exercise don't make themselves apparent with the heavy lifting, tending calves, walking short distances, or riding the ATV from pasture to pasture that most cattle ranchers do.  Just a half hour a day can make a huge difference and can be done with a brisk walk.  Finding the time is a challenge but well worth it.  A cure - of course not.  But tremendously helpful (especially at this low light time of year) to keep one on a relatively even keel.

Best of luck to you!

I suffer from mild depression especially in the winter (short days). I also suffer more when I have more stress in my life. Last winter, I went tanning a couple times a week. It seemed to help me a lot. Maybe it was just in my head but I felt better. This hereditary in my family, my Dad as well as my Grandmother and one of my sisters also suffer. My wife is on medication for depression as well so I hope our kids are not doomed
I work in town so weekdays I do not have to much problems, it is just when I get home and on the weekends when I seem to not have much energy or motivation to do stuff.
Dori; I think the exercise thing would do me good. We have a treadmill and an exercise bike but they seldom get used.
Maybe this will motivate me to get going.
DLZ
.

Red,  I am so pleased for you that you acknowledge your illness and seek help for it.  Unfortunately, my father came from a family where things were pushed under the rug.  Even more unfortunately, he took his own life two years ago.  It was a bit devisive in my family because my mother didn't want me to tell my children the truth.  I however, saw it as an opportunity to stress the need to confide in people and seek help when needed.  I think I was right as my eldest just wrote her college essay about my dad and the lessons she learned from him ( and this lesson was included!).  God bless.

dutch pride said:

I suffer from mild depression especially in the winter (short days). I also suffer more when I have more stress in my life. Last winter, I went tanning a couple times a week. It seemed to help me a lot. Maybe it was just in my head but I felt better. This hereditary in my family, my Dad as well as my Grandmother and one of my sisters also suffer. My wife is on medication for depression as well so I hope our kids are not doomed
I work in town so weekdays I do not have to much problems, it is just when I get home and on the weekends when I seem to not have much energy or motivation to do stuff.
Dori; I think the exercise thing would do me good. We have a treadmill and an exercise bike but they seldom get used.
Maybe this will motivate me to get going.
DLZ
.

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Go for it, DLZ.  if you don't mind, let us know how the consistent exercise affects you.  I also have  a treadmill and have learned to actually enjoy  my use of it when I can't get outside to walk.  I set it up in front of the tv!

red i too suffer from dep and anx....both medicated...good that you recognize "the days"....most folk cant comprehend the "24 dhour sleep deal". ...but i sure can........where i start is with something  that a friend of bill w's once pointed out to me some time ago...when life hands you bullshit.....you make a garden...
simple as that......thats were i start...literally....my yard,garden...,,plant a tree/sart my feb garden...( one good thing aobut fla ......hang in there girl...i no the  n. ohio winters can be a bit dreay also..........thanks for the wart topic location.....jbarl

yes, i do a lot of gardening, calves & busy stuff. I guess that's why I threw myself into baking this year.

Thanks for the feedback & the e-mails & phone calls! We're not alone.

Red