Help with a nervous showman

I need help/advice ... not sure what ??  with my nervous showman.  Our 12 year old daughter literally makes herself sick about showing her cattle.    We had a show Saturday, Friday she was already at her wits end and sick.  Her dad & brother couldn't go so that was making it worse.  She got so bad, we decided that it wasn't worth it to go.  Hubby suggested I take her to the show anyway and just be there to watch - so we did.  It might have worked - won't know until this Friday.  We just sat & watched - we talked about the heifers & how they were being shown.   

I think she can overcome it...  She shows pigs & sheep and begs to go to more shows.  She is the first to be there if someone needs a pig or lamb shown.  She shows dogs in AKC shows.  She's had wins and is pretty successful at those things.  But when it comes to the cattle, she just folds up.    She is a shy kid but has obviously overcome the shyness in most respects. 

This is the only thing I can come up with .... A few years ago, we had an Angus heifer that had been a dream to work with and then one day she just up and kicked DD pretty hard, knocking her up against the pipe fence, etc.  Nothing was broke but she was pretty bruised for awhile.    That heifer literally  turned into a kicker overnight.  DD also had a dog gentle simmi heifer that year but that kicking incident kept her away from the calves for a long time.  Last year, we didn't even get a heifer in for her to show because of this.  Then last summer she started showing interest in the cattle again and it has grown to where she will do about anything with them and willingly cares for them. 

I'm just perplexed because she really wants to do this.  I have the feeling that if her brother could have been there, she would have been fine, because she sometimes uses him as her social crutch.  I would just like to be able to help her get where she wants to be.    Hubby and I don't feel like we put much pressure on her. 

Read this previous post on "Justme's" similar problem. Her daughter even had the same thing happen to her.

http://www.steerplanet.com/bb/index.php/topic,532.0.html

OMG, I had the same situation last year.  My daughter started to hyperventalate as she was going in.  Now we are starting all over with her  new heifers.  Contact me privately and we can talk.  My email is [email protected]

Is her brother older?  Does it bother her to compete against her brother.  Or go up against his reputation if he is an outstanding showman?

I know my son sometimes feels inferior to his sister(they are twins).  She has matured faster emotionally than he has, and is more focused on the task at hand and consequently does a better job especially in showmanship.  he has beat her once in showmanship and did his face really shine.

Thanks Red, I just read that.. .there are some good things there. 

Justme - After reading that thread...  I can see there are a lot of similarities.  It's really a struggle because she wants to do this but is overcome by fear at that last minute. 

SWMO - Her brother is younger but he is one of those kids who doesn't know a stranger - adult or kid.    He is enough younger that they never compete in showmanship - thank goodness for that because she is so competitive.  However, she uses his easy going, friend making nature to help her along in strange situations.    I think it would have been her competitiveness with him that would have helped. 

We got lucky that Chuck McCoullough's wife was there as they were going in.  My husband was ready to let her quit.  She hugged Danielle, kissed her cheek, shoved her in, and gave her heifer a slap to get going.  I was up in the stands with the video camera worried to death.  Once she took her first couple steps she was ok.  She devoloped a bound with her heifer Delilah that I cann't even describe.  Now that is the only heifer she wants to show.  We are starting over again.  We purchased Delilah's sister Daffodil and she has the same personality as her heifer.  Hopefully I can transfer a little love to Daffodil lol.

I think most important thing is to make sure the calf is show ready.  I know you cann't be positive, anything can happen, but make sure its almost a pet for her.  Her first outting needs to be a good experience and they need to develop a trust, ecspecially if she is young like my daughter.

red said:

Read this previous post on "Justme's" similar problem. Her daughter even had the same thing happen to her.

http://www.steerplanet.com/bb/index.php/topic,532.0.html

Click to expand...

Thanks for this post, We are dealing with some of the same things.  Posts like this are why I love this site.

RSC

I was glad to remember the problem from last year. There were some really good tips.
I think praise each time they make a little progress. Also don't push or get mad. A ittle reward never hurts either.

Red

I know there are some on here that do not think that a 9 or 10 year old should even be showing, heavens know they've expressed there feelings on here about it before.  These "timid" kids do the work at home 9 times out of 10, ecspecially in our case.  They just need the confidence to step in that ring.  I think my daughter would have regretted not showing.  Last summer she had the time of her life, and we had so much fun with our "girl time" going to shows.  (Dad usually at work so the kids and I load up and go)  Have a little faith in your young ones, help them prepare and tell them to at least try it once.

Showing and cattle are addicting (don't deny it, were all addicted or we wouldn't be here on steer planet lol) and what a great thing for a kid to get addicted to?  With all the bad things in the world that kids get into, I think this is one of the greatest things for a kid to get involved with.  Even with all the complaining we do, you have to admit, its a good thing for kids to grow up around.  Good people, lifelong friends, and so many lessons learned. 

justme said:

I know there are some on here that do not think that a 9 or 10 year old should even be showing, heavens know they've expressed there feelings on here about it before.  These "timid" kids do the work at home 9 times out of 10, ecspecially in our case.  They just need the confidence to step in that ring.  I think my daughter would have regretted not showing.  Last summer she had the time of her life, and we had so much fun with our "girl time" going to shows.  (Dad usually at work so the kids and I load up and go)  Have a little faith in your young ones, help them prepare and tell them to at least try it once.

Showing and cattle are addicting (don't deny it, were all addicted or we wouldn't be here on steer planet lol) and what a great thing for a kid to get addicted to?  With all the bad things in the world that kids get into, I think this is one of the greatest things for a kid to get involved with.  Even with all the complaining we do, you have to admit, its a good thing for kids to grow up around.  Good people, lifelong friends, and so many lessons learned. 

Click to expand...

I don't believe that Age is the deciding factor on whether they can handle it or not.  It depends on the kid, IMO.  My soon to be  five year old could probably show in the next year or two if they'd let him.  I can send him to the showbox to get some equipment and he is hardly ever wrong.  Gotta love Daddy's little passionate helpers.

RSC

I am working with my son on losing gracefully. He doesn't want to show unless he thinks he is going to win. He has been fortunate enough to have a very successful show career so far but if he places out of the top few in his class it is hard to convince him to go back in with another animal. Last year at our county fair his pigs were on the smaller side and the judge asked him how much they weighed. He told the judge it didn't matter because she was the best pig there. Luckily the judge knew he was joking and my son told him the real weight but its not a good sign coming from a 7 year old. I think my competitive nature is rubbing off on him because I told him all week she was a good pig but was alittle small. Next year I think I'm going to get him some lower quality animals just so he can eat some humble pie for awhile. ;D

itk said:

I am working with my son on losing gracefully. He doesn't want to show unless he thinks he is going to win. He has been fortunate enough to have a very successful show career so far but if he places out of the top few in his class it is hard to convince him to go back in with another animal. Last year at our county fair his pigs were on the smaller side and the judge asked him how much they weighed. He told the judge it didn't matter because she was the best pig there. Luckily the judge knew he was joking and my son told him the real weight but its not a good sign coming from a 7 year old. I think my competitive nature is rubbing off on him because I told him all week she was a good pig but was alittle small. Next year I think I'm going to get him some lower quality animals just so he can eat some humble pie for awhile. ;D

Click to expand...

LOL....reminds me of some little guy I once knew...or was it me?  Oh yes, I used to be quite the same way.  I wouldn't show if I didn't absolutely think that I had a 100% chance of being either 1st or 2nd.  Of course, I was young, and I didn't have the best calf in the class all the time, so I had to learn how to be a good sport about losing. I'm still not a big fan of it, but I'm a bunch better than I used to be.

I also used to have a problem about being really nervous in the show ring.....It sure does sound like I just had all sorts of problems when I started showing lol..  Anyhow, the thread that we had last year is really good.  My breakthrough was when I raised my first show steer.  He wasn't something that would win state fairs or anything, but he was a good honest calf.  This calf was my buddy, and he basically taught me how to not be afraid, but to still give him respect. I had SO much fun that year, some of it was because it was my most successful year up to that point, but a lot of it was because I genuinely liked to go out in the show ring and show off my baby.  Every year since then, I've shown a calf that I raised, and it keeps getting more and more fun. Good Luck!!!  (thumbsup)

I forgot this in my previous post.  My sister uses me as a crutch too.  She's not new at this either.  All of this winter she went on and on about how she wanted to fit and clip her heifer at the show.  I told her that she might get that chance.  I fit my heifer for the Shorthorn show, and my sister had an Appendix, so she had to fit her's right after mine.  I fit mine, and offered to help her get started on her's.  She said OK.  I fit the back legs, and handed her the clippers.  She was lost in her own mind.  She looked at my friend who was fitting with us, and she said "Will you do this? Justin always does, and I don't know how."  She DOES know how to clip legs, I've shown her how, and had her help me many times at home.  It seems that if I'm not there, she can do the stuff, but she's at a loss.  She's getting better now that I'm at college, but I wonder what would happen if I didn't go to the shows this summer...  Do girls have a tougher time (in general) being independent if they have a brother to look up to (even if he is younger  (lol))?

I'm thinking of doing this topic as an article using many of the suggestions & comments. If anone has something to add, either post it here or PM me.

Red

Olson Family Shorthorns said:

...  Do girls have a tougher time (in general) being independent if they have a brother to look up to (even if he is younger  (lol))?

Click to expand...

My daughter would take great offense to this.  She loves to beat her brother at absolutely EVERYTHING.  My son love to beat his sister but sometimes just doesn't want to put forth the effort it takes.  It think it depends more on the personality of the individual rather than the gender.

I'm thinking of doing this topic as an article using many of the suggestions & comments. If anone has something to add, either post it here or PM me.

Click to expand...

 That would be a great idea.

Thanks to everyone!!   I thought we had most of the problem licked but when the pressure was on.. it wasn't.   We'll try again next weekend & maybe having bro along will help.   The heifer she will be showing is soo gentle and is almost a pest about wanting attention.  She is a little lazy but we'll take that.  

Learning to be a graceful loser is a hard lesson once they've started to win.   We were soundly trounced at a dog show in February in a situation and competition that we should have been able to overcome.   On the way home, J was in tears about it.  I asked her how she felt which was obviously very bad and down.   I told her to remember those feelings the next time she wins because chances are there is someone else feeling just like she does now.        

This is what I love about this site -- everybody helping any way they can.......  You all are GREAT!

My nephew caused us fits when he started showing.  Luckily he had a heifer that showed herself.  That is the only way he made it at all his first year.  The thing that got his brain to switch on was.. At the Ohio Beef Expo I asked him to show another little boy who was showing with us how to "walk his heifer into place" so my nephew "taught" the other little boy how to do that with his heifer.  For some reason that made my nephews brain click.  he went out and showed his heifer a few minutes later and I looked at my husband and said "who is that kid showing AJs heifer?"  He nailed it!  He even managed to get himself in top 10 at national showmanship contests.  To this day when he starts to struggle I will find someone he can teach. 

My nephew is also scared of getting hurt, he has trouble concentrating and paying attention.  I also video tape him sometimes and let him watch the video of himself so he can see what he looks like when he shows. 

You could also have your daughter find someone who she thinks is a really good showman and watch how they show and try to adopt those skills.  Sometimes I think when we try to tell them how to do it the movements and mannerisms are not comfortable or natural to them.  If they can develop their own style they will be more comfortable. 

Good luck and hang in there    It will just click for her one day.

Fluffer

I've put together an article. It will have some really good tips from several members. I've getting it proof read.
Hope this will help some both the young & the old!  (lol)


Red

One thing for all of us to remember - this IS all about the KIDS!!!

Case in point:

Our oldest daughter is now 14 (God help us!).  When she was in 5th grade, after much coaxing from her parents that wanted to enjoy the limelight of having kids in sporting events, joined the softball team.  Now she is not the most gracefull of our children, but has more than an adequete desire to excell.  In the last game of the summer, she was up to bat in the top of the last inning, facing a rather hard throwing pitcher.  Being a little less than a proficient batter, she attempted to swing at an inside pitch and took the pitch right on the end of her right thumb.  We later found out that this split the bone lengthwise.  Her mother, being brought up never to disappoint mom and NEVER QUIT, put her back out in left field for the bottem half of the inning.

She continued to play softball through junior high, but NEVER again swung the bat in a game.  In practice, she developed quite a swing and could hit most pitches to the fence, but never in a game situation.  After three years of trying everything we could think of to prove to her that she could do it, we finally came to terms with the fact that she was too scared to swing.  We then sat down with her for a LONG talk and learned that she knew when she wanted to swing, she just could not get herself to loosen up and do it.  She also shared with us that she really didn't think that she liked the game as much as we do.  Reluctently, we accepted this and told her that we supported her decision to not play anymore.

I think that many parents could learn a lot from this.  We find it hard to let the kids do what they want to do when it is not what we want them to do or even if it is not the way we would do it.  This was driven home to me a few years back when I was attending a class to get my Iowa coaching authorization.  The instructor gave us one philosopy to coach by, and he said this is the only thing you have to remember from this class, "Remember, it's not your time, its the KIDS time!"