DEMOCRAT
You have two cows ,,, Your neighbor has none ... You feel guilty for being successful ...
Beyonce sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows ... Your neighbor has none ... So?
SOCIALISM
You have two cows ... The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor ...
You form a cooperative to advise your neighbor on how to manage his cow.
COMMUNISM
You have two cows ... The government seizes both and provides you with milk ...
You wait in line for hours to get it ... It is expensive and sour.
FASCISM
You have two cows ... The government takes both and sells you the milk.
NAZI-ISM
You have two cows ... The government takes both and shoots you.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows ... You sell one and buy a bull ... You build a herd of cows.
AMERICAN BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows ... The government pays you not to milk them ... Then the government takes them both ... They shoot one, milk the other, and pour the milk down the drain ... Then they require you to fill out a form to explain why the two cows are missing.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You sell one cow, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second cow ... You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows ... You are surprised when one cow drops dead ... You spin a publicity release to the security analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses ... Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You go on strike because you want three cows ... You go to lunch and drink wine ... Life is beautiful.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk ...They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains ... Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run 100 miles per hour ... Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... But you don't know where they are ,,, During your search, you see a beautiful woman ... You break for lunch ... Life is beautiful.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You have some vodka ... You count your cows and learn you have 5 cows ... You have some vodka ... You count them again and learn you have 42 cows ,,,
The Russian Mafia shows up and takes whatever cows you have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan ...Which are two ... You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts ... You kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows ... They go into hiding ...They produce television tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls ... Your employees are maimed and killed on a regular basis attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have two cows - a black cow and a brown cow ...Everyone votes for the best cow ...
Some of the people who like the brown cow best, vote for the black cow ... Some people vote for both ... Some people vote for neither ... Some people can't figure out how to vote at all ... Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best cow.
My favorite cow joke:
A fellow was driving down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop next to a field filled with cows. The driver lifted the hood of his car to find out the cause. A cow standing inside the fenced field calmly said to him, “I believe it’s your generator.”
The man almost fainted. He ran to the farmhouse nearby and excitedly knocked on the door.
“One of your cows just gave me advice about my car,”he shouted waving his arms back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door to glance down the field. “The white cow with the two big black spots on her?”the farmer asked slowly.
“Yes, yes, that’s the one,”the man replied.
“Oh, well, that’s Bessie,”the farmer said, turning back to the excited man. “Just don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know the first thing about cars.”
You have two cows ,,, Your neighbor has none ... You feel guilty for being successful ...
Beyonce sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows ... Your neighbor has none ... So?
SOCIALISM
You have two cows ... The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor ...
You form a cooperative to advise your neighbor on how to manage his cow.
COMMUNISM
You have two cows ... The government seizes both and provides you with milk ...
You wait in line for hours to get it ... It is expensive and sour.
FASCISM
You have two cows ... The government takes both and sells you the milk.
NAZI-ISM
You have two cows ... The government takes both and shoots you.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows ... You sell one and buy a bull ... You build a herd of cows.
AMERICAN BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows ... The government pays you not to milk them ... Then the government takes them both ... They shoot one, milk the other, and pour the milk down the drain ... Then they require you to fill out a form to explain why the two cows are missing.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You sell one cow, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second cow ... You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows ... You are surprised when one cow drops dead ... You spin a publicity release to the security analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses ... Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You go on strike because you want three cows ... You go to lunch and drink wine ... Life is beautiful.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk ...They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains ... Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run 100 miles per hour ... Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... But you don't know where they are ,,, During your search, you see a beautiful woman ... You break for lunch ... Life is beautiful.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows ... You have some vodka ... You count your cows and learn you have 5 cows ... You have some vodka ... You count them again and learn you have 42 cows ,,,
The Russian Mafia shows up and takes whatever cows you have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan ...Which are two ... You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts ... You kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows ... They go into hiding ...They produce television tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls ... Your employees are maimed and killed on a regular basis attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have two cows - a black cow and a brown cow ...Everyone votes for the best cow ...
Some of the people who like the brown cow best, vote for the black cow ... Some people vote for both ... Some people vote for neither ... Some people can't figure out how to vote at all ... Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best cow.
My favorite cow joke:
A fellow was driving down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop next to a field filled with cows. The driver lifted the hood of his car to find out the cause. A cow standing inside the fenced field calmly said to him, “I believe it’s your generator.”
The man almost fainted. He ran to the farmhouse nearby and excitedly knocked on the door.
“One of your cows just gave me advice about my car,”he shouted waving his arms back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door to glance down the field. “The white cow with the two big black spots on her?”the farmer asked slowly.
“Yes, yes, that’s the one,”the man replied.
“Oh, well, that’s Bessie,”the farmer said, turning back to the excited man. “Just don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know the first thing about cars.”
