Q & A session on Australia

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, hehehehe  ;D

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

Aepends how much you've been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Qlease send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Qo you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Finally all my ?'s answered about Australia!

Mike65 said:

With trade wagering the likelihood are not fixed by a 3rd-celebration or center-guy; they are fixed by the punters themselves, who location requests for odds at which they are prepared to location bets (if they would like to work as an normal bettor), or spot gives of likelihood at which they are ready to lay down wagers (if they desire to react as a bookmaker).

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Well said !  I could not have said it better myself!

(clapping) (lol)  Now thats the kind of humour I would expect from a nation of great rugby players O0

What a great way to start the day!  (lol) Finally, a proper reaction to very silly questions! Does it make anyone else nervous about the education system?

Another question.... so what keeps you Aussies from falling off the earth, seeing you are on the bottom side? At least that is where my globe shows you to be.

justintime said:

Another question.... so what keeps you Aussies from falling off the earth, seeing you are on the bottom side? At least that is where my globe shows you to be.

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Didn't you know, the earth is a magnet and Aussies have evolved with magnetic feet to stop this happening  ;D

Hey TDU does not always work for me to keep upright. 

BTW I am jealous jealous jealous about your trip.

Aussie said:

Hey TDU does not always work for me to keep upright. 

BTW I am jealous jealous jealous about your trip.

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It's going to be great, I'll be visiting some awesome people  ;D

Thought I'd bring this thread up again to lighten the mood...

<party> <party> <beer> <beer> (clapping) (clapping) O0/// Now thats the kind of humor I knew you: subtle, polite, and demure Aussies really have in you-gotta love the sarcasm,the only Aussies Ive met with non-stop humor like were vagabond rugby players. O0

mark tenenbaum said:

<party> <party> <beer> <beer> (clapping) (clapping) O0/// Now thats the kind of humor I knew you: subtle, polite, and demure Aussies really have in you-gotta love the sarcasm,the only Aussies Ive met with non-stop humor like were vagabond rugby players. O0

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A flashback to when SP was fun

I was going to visit Australia, but then TDU told me that there are snakes down there!  I guess I will read about it now.  Thanks for answering so many of the questions I had about Ausland!!

So I was wondering..... if your water runs the opposite way down the drain in Australia, is what we would say is North what an Aussie would say is South? And what about East and West ? Are they opposite too?  And is Sunday at the beginning of the week in Australia ... or at the end of the week?  is Down in Australia what we here in North American would call UP? More questions I hope you can answer ....

Oh one more question... is it true that many Aussie's don't work on Wednesdays because it messes up both ends of their weekends?