Country humor

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cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
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A doctor, a lawyer and a rancher were using the restroom in a restaurant...
The doctor finished, washed his hands all the way up to his elbows, and then used about 10 paper towels before he finished.  He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and we were taught the importance of cleanliness."

The lawyer finished, quickly wet his fingers, and then used the blow dryer mounted on the wall.  "I graduated from Harvard and we were taught to conserve resources and to be environmentally conscious."

The rancher finished and as he was walking out the door, he said…  "I went to the University of Wyoming and all of its graduates know how to use the restroom without getting it on their hands."
 

red

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Jan 20, 2007
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LaRue, Ohio
Nothing better than a joke w/ MU in it!!!
Great one cowz (clapping)

Red
 

TxAdmin

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(lol), always got have a lawyer in your joke
 

red

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Jan 20, 2007
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Location
LaRue, Ohio
  (lol)
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:  "A beer please, and one for the road." 


6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"  "Well, 'It's Not Unusual'."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

12. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

15. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm so rry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

16. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

19. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

20. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to d isperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

21. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

22. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

23. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...(Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

24. There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

25. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
 

Joe Boy

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Jan 31, 2007
Messages
692
Yesterday I was in Plano, TX to see an orthopedic specialist.  Plano is part of the Dallas metroplex area.  So, yesterday I was a "plane o" country hick.  The doctor I saw was named Lund.  He sent me to see another doctor by the name of Smith.  When they were making arrangements for my surgery, I told them that they were not giving me a great deal of confidence, but were getting me closer to home.  They wanted to know why :))).  Then I explained..... Lund is the name of the funeral home in Wichita Falls and Smith owns the one in Vernon, my home town.....  I love a good laugh and we all had one... (lol)
 

red

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Jan 20, 2007
Messages
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Location
LaRue, Ohio
For those of you that have heard me mention my hubby, I call him my stubborn German. He's been farming all his life & has been in the same spot the same about of time.
We were talking about school days this morning at breakfast. He commented that the two worse things he brought to school ( some 2nd grader had brought crack cocaine to school is how it got started) were:
1. a cow's eyeball for a science project. which he left on the bus on the way home (imagine the poor bus driver's reaction finding that beauty!)
2. tongue sandwiches, which his mother insisted on packing for their lunches
Got to love a guy like that!!! ::)

Red

Oh yes Joe, he did apologise to me the other day. He said " I'm sorry, that you are wrong"!

 

cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
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1,492
Great ones, red.  My sides hurt now!  Remember we need one good belly laugh per day to keep our mental health in check!!
 

genes

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Jan 29, 2007
Messages
392
A dyslexic man walks into a bra  (clapping)    Oh thanks for the laugh.
 

cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
Messages
1,492
If you need to blow 5 minutes of your life, check this one out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5s5qGg01nE

Guaranteed to leave you humming a tune!
 

jason

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Mar 26, 2006
Messages
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Location
Emporia, Kansas
cowz said:
If you need to blow 5 minutes of your life, check this one out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5s5qGg01nE

Guaranteed to leave you humming a tune!

cowz, are you a nightowl too?
 

cowz

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Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
1,492
Jason said:
cowz said:
If you need to blow 5 minutes of your life, check this one out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5s5qGg01nE

Guaranteed to leave you humming a tune!

cowz, are you a nightowl too?

Had to go to a meeting last night, got home late, volunteered to do a calving check, saw a suspect, decided to play on here instead of a nap!  I find most of my deep thoughts occur between 2 and 4 am.
 
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