This is not up to par with the alligator, Cambridge language or the smart priest, but here it is:
I received this medical tip from a friend; thought it might help you, too.
If you're bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, repeat the
following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:
"My financial and personnel well being are totally in the hands of
Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner,
Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd and Al Gore."
If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, then you are
probably destined to be full of it for the rest of your life.