funny for the day!!

[Doc]

GOD CREATED CHILDREN ...
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing God said was ' DON'T !'
'Don't what ? ' Adam replied.
'Don't eat the forbidden fruit,' God said.
'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve, we have forbidden fruit ! '
'No,Way!'
'Yes,Way!'
'Do NOT eat the fruit !' said God.
'Why ? ' asked Adam and Eve.
'Because I am your Father and I said so! ' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having a fruit break and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? ' God asked.
'Uh huh,' Adam replied.
'Then why did you? ' asked the Father.
'She started it! ' Adam said.
'Did not!'
'Did too!'
'DID NOT!  The snake did it.'
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT...

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in!

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.


IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:  'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!

 

[linnettejane]

ohhhh how true!  i love it!  (clapping)

 

[shortdawg]

Good one Doc !

 

[Simmymom1]

That got my laughter going for the day...Thanks Doc!!  (thumbsup)

 

[SouthWest]

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink..

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat'  the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

(Your gotta love this)


The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

 

[mark tenenbaum]

with that sense of humor you gotta have shorthorns

 

[SouthWest]

Prior to her trip to  Texas  , Buffy (a blonde New Yorker),
confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the  Lone  Star  State : 

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.




2. She wanted to see an honest to goodness REAL  Texas  Rodeo.



3. And last, but not least, she wanted to have sex with a real cowboy .




Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

'Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a  Mesquite  and when they slow cook that brisket over that  Mesquite  , it's ooooh so good. The meat is  unbelievably tender and the taste is fantastic!'

'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes... Those guys ride BULLS and they wrestle full grown steers! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the steer by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!'

They then asked, 'Well tell us , did you have sex with a real cowboy?'

'Hell NO!! When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!'

 

[shortdawg]

Good one - it took me a minute to get it.