Joke for the week

[red]

I have to give credit to Jill for this one!

When you're from the country you look at things a little differently........

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.

'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'

'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?' "

'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message
fer Dad.'

'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearl Mae, pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that',
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for
the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer
Howard.
 

 

[kanshow]

That's funny!!!

 

[austin]

;D

 

[herfchic]

;D

 

[jason]

(lol)

 

[CJB]

Here's another one to brighten your day.

The Buttocks

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the
husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to
donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and
they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.  After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.  He looked more handsome
than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he was alone
with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything
you did for me.

How can I possibly repay you?" 


"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


If this doesn't make you smile  (lol)~ nothing will!

 

[linnettejane]

(email)

    Visit To The Welfare Office

        A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15
kids.

        'WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are they all yours?''

        'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having
heard that question a thousand times before.

        She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.

        'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign
up I'll need all your children's names.'

        'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the
girls are all named 'Leighroy'.'

        In disbelief, the case worker. 'Are you serious? They're ALL
named Leroy?'

        Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's
time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a
runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I
just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever
had, namin' them all Leroy.'

        The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to
come, and not the whole bunch?'

        'Then I call them by their last names.'

     

 

[austin]

(clapping)

 

[jason]

(lol)

 

[cook beef]

ALL VERY FUNNY <cowboy> (lol) (clapping) (cow) (clapping) (lol) <cowboy>

 

[Cattledog]

Here's a joke my vet told me.

There was a Chi, an Angus, and a Hereford standing in a pen during a storm.

A bolt of lightning struck right next to the pen!

The Chi jumped over the fence!

Tha Angus went under the fence!

And the Hereford just stood there and prolapsed!

 

[shortyjock89]

Here's a joke my vet told me.

There was a Chi, an Angus, and a Hereford standing in a pen during a storm.

A bolt of lightning struck right next to the pen!

The Chi jumped over the fence!

Tha Angus went under the fence!

And the Hereford just stood there and prolapsed!

The Shorthorn musta been the smart one and was layin in the dry barn.  ;D

 

[TJ]

Here's a joke my vet told me.

There was a Chi, an Angus, and a Hereford standing in a pen during a storm.

A bolt of lightning struck right next to the pen!

The Chi jumped over the fence!

Tha Angus went under the fence!

And the Hereford just stood there and prolapsed!

Pretty funny stuff, especially if you grew up before or during the 70's... back before those 3 breeds had a chance to became "multi-breed composites" on a large scale. 

 

[TJ]

I have to give credit to Jill for this one!

When you're from the country you look at things a little differently........

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.

'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'

'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?' "

'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?'
No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message
fer Dad.'

'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearl Mae, pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that',
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for
the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer
Howard.
 

Thanx for sharing RED!

 

[TJ]

(email)

    Visit To The Welfare Office

        A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15
kids.

        'WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are they all yours?''

        'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having
heard that question a thousand times before.

        She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.

        'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign
up I'll need all your children's names.'

        'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the
girls are all named 'Leighroy'.'

        In disbelief, the case worker. 'Are you serious? They're ALL
named Leroy?'

        Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's
time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a
runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I
just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever
had, namin' them all Leroy.'

        The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to
come, and not the whole bunch?'

        'Then I call them by their last names.'

       

(clapping)

 

[cook beef]

ALL VERY FUNNY <cowboy> (clapping) (lol) (cow)  (lol) (clapping) <cowboy>

 

[cowz]

This one is for our buddy Frostback:

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

Have a good one!

 

[cowz]

'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas
 
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

 

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
 
 

 

[cowz]

Washington D.C. Nativity Scene


The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity
scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas.  This isn't for any
religious reason though.

They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin
in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding
enough asses to fill the stable.