Joke of the Day
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cowz
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Do you really need to laugh today????? Here is a cattle buyer filmed during a DUI stop by the highway patrol.
http://www.cattlerange.com/DUIStop/DUIStop.wmv
http://www.cattlerange.com/DUIStop/DUIStop.wmv
shortyjock89
Well-known member
GOOD LORD that is ohmygosh crazy funny. What makes it so funny is that a couple of my dad's friends could do that if they were drunk.......how did you find that? (lol) (lol) (clapping)
cowz
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shortyjock89 said:
I have a friend that sends me "cattle buyer" jokes. I used to keep books for a couple of order buyers years ago.....it is a long standing joke between us. I have a lot of cattle buyer jokes that are a bit too crusty to post on here.
I really liked the sense of humor that the lady trooper has!!! Usually the lady cops are pretty cranky!!!!!
cowz
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cowz
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cowz
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cowz
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(lol) Good ones guys. I got an email of bad signs a while ago...wonder if I still have it.
The one we actually saw for ourselves that made us laugh was for a gas station/rest stop advertising their amenities, they didn't give much thought to order or spacing. It said "Sewer Dump Ice Cream"
The one we actually saw for ourselves that made us laugh was for a gas station/rest stop advertising their amenities, they didn't give much thought to order or spacing. It said "Sewer Dump Ice Cream"
cowz
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Toilet Cleaning Instructions:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
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red
Well-known member
King Killer Kitty was NOT amused! He said if you don't cease such nonesense he will send his high price team of lawyers after you!
You have been forwarned Cowz!
You have been forwarned Cowz!
cowz
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red said:King Killer Kitty was NOT amused! He said if you don't cease such nonesense he will send his high price team of lawyers after you!
You have been forwarned Cowz!
Sharpen up them claws you old show box cat!!!!!! OKOKOK....Im an old softy at heart. Scratch him behind the ear and tell him I'm sorry!!!
(Do you really have high priced lawyers in Ohio that represent cats????) We have been through a few lawyer jokes...don't get me started! ;D
All in fun!
red
Well-known member
I'm sure w/ Killer's pull he could get anyone he wanted to represent him! You know some do spend more time in the litter box than he does!
Sorry MLK32 & LawDawg! Exceptions to every rule!
Red
Sorry MLK32 & LawDawg! Exceptions to every rule!
Red
farmboy
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farmboy
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cowz
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It's fishing season.....look out for those game wardens!
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
Moral of the story ..... Don't mess with a lady that reads, she may be able to think too!! ;D
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
Moral of the story ..... Don't mess with a lady that reads, she may be able to think too!! ;D
bluegrass
Well-known member
Thanks for the laughs guys, just what I needed, keep em coming. Cowz could you send me some of those cattle buyer jokes "the crusty ones" to my e mail?
How do you get a Kansas State Grad off your porch????.............................................................................
................................................................................................................................................
......................................................................Pay for the pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!
................................................................................................................................................
......................................................................Pay for the pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!
cowz
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Why did Univ. of Wyoming install astroturf on their football field?? To keep the cheerleaders from grazing! Go Rams!
cowz
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DEEP THOUGHTS FROM LARRY THE CABLE GUY.........
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. Exactly 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. About 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
mousetrap cheese.
9. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What
happened?"
22. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYBODY!
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. Exactly 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. About 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
mousetrap cheese.
9. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What
happened?"
22. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYBODY!
