Old Sayings

gone like a fart in the wind

Make your head save your hands.

My personal favorite of my dad's.... "Let me tell you that guy is windier than a truckload of a$$holes"!! (clapping)

My dad's wisdom.

"The empty barrel makes the most noise"
" Crazy as a bag full of a@@holes"
My all time favourite and dead on the money, he told me " Son you're goin' to be the one that learns everything the hard way". That was so true.

I asked him one day how he and my mother got together? His answer. " I ran so fast she caught me"

Worse than a wet paper bag full of bumble bees

If you're broke here's a couple you might say...

"I couldn't buy a sick whore a glass a water"

and when someone wants you to get 'em something to eat:

"what do you want... a toothpick and a glass a water?"

Another of my dad's saying... this one in regards to when we used to feed pigs... he said " kick a pig every time you get close to one... as it is either going to trouble or coming back from it."

Another thing my dad told me years ago, when I came up with the idea of building a farrow to finish pig barn. He considered my plan for a few minutes and then he said" Have you considered picking bottles out of the ditches?  I think you would make as much money and you won't stink when you come in the house". I think of this often, and it was very sound advice.

Our registered Shorthorn herd was started in 1917 by my grandfather. There were unregistered Shorthorns here shortly after the spring of 1903 when my grandparents homesteaded here. Part of our farm was broke with a Shorthorn steer and a mule hooked together to a plow. Although my grandfather has been dead for many years I can still hear him say things like " you buy a good bull when you find one... not when you need one."

Another thing I remember him saying as a very young child was " a commercial man should be willing to pay what 7 weaned steers would bring or 3 fat steer, for a good bull" I certainly wish I could hear people saying like that today! He always based his prices for his bulls at what 7 steers would be worth.

Heard this one years ago:

Why are there more horses' asses than horses.

I'm so broke , I can't even pay attention

opinions are likd a$$holes, everyone has one...and they all stink  ;D

For stingy people my grandpa used to say "he's tighter than an ants a--(butt) stretched across a five gallon drum".

Just a few more...

If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch

Worthless as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest

Hunkered up like a coyote trying to pass a peach seed

Fartin' mule never tires

You couldn't hit sand if you fell of a camel

Them things are scares as hen's teeth

Fuller than crap in a Christmas turkey

This was so true of our Canadian winter last year...It is so cold you could freeze the balls off a brass monkey..............He is so dumb that he does not know s:*t from putty...................   This room is so small you have to go outside to change your mind..............My mother-in-laws favorite" When we first got married we were so poor we didn't have 2 nickels to rub together"............... and so many more if kids were never on this site!!!!!                                                                                                

I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throats been cut
Happier than a kid in a candy store
Faster than a terpantined cat

If you keep your mouth shut no one will know your stupid.  Probably not the best thing to tell a kid but my dad used to say it too me.  I think it was his way to get me to shut up and listen.

He sure put his foot in his mouth again.......I'm so hungry I could eat the a$$hole out of a skunk

larry the cable guy has some good ones like............madder than an albino hitch hiking in a snowstorm..............madder than a midget with a yo-yo............and my favorite madder than a 2 fingered cripple returning a text message  (lol)

Its so cold Al Gores burning tires.

(thumbsup)

Just when I thought I was getin' somewhere in this rat race, guess what? Faster rats!

your so full of $#!t your eyes are brown
"madder than a qu##r with lock jaw on valentines day" by larry the cable guy
there is more $#!t inside them boots then outside
better to be pissed off then pissed on