Old Sayings

My dad was full of them

He would say my luck is so bad if i rained whores i would get a lesbian.

Probably but i doubt it.  As a kid that always threw me off!

Don't know where I heard this " a hound dog's attitude is if you can't eat it or $crew it---- piss on it"

Probably but i doubt it.  [/quote]


Great directive, here's some more!

Whatever happens is best.

Remain ignorant forever.

Finer than Frog's hair.

It takes a big dog to weigh a ton.

Polliticians are like diapers, they should be changed often... and for the same reasons!

" That went over like a fart in a space suit"

It takes a big dog to weigh a ton and an even bigger dog to crap a ton.

When she walked away, her butt looked like a couple of bobcats fightin' in a gunny sack.

never walk when u can ride, never stand when u can sit, and always feed the animals before u feed yourself

He's not smart enough to poor piss out of a boot

One my grandfather used on all of his grandsons was " If your going be stupid you gotta be tough"! Lot of truth in that.

Can credit Grandpa for the majority of these.. He's a hoot lol
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can vinegar"
"Just remember, when you point one finger, you have 3 pointing back at ya"
"If the good Lord wanted you to work like an ass he'd have given ya long ears"
"If bullshit was snowflakes we'd be in a blizzard"
"The good Lord gave ya ears for a reason. And it wasnt for ventilation"
"Its so dry out I saw coons carryin water to the sweet corn the other day"
"Being smart isn't having all the answers. It's knowing when to set down, shut up and listen."

And one from when I was really little, riding with grandpa checking cows..
"Look at her (momma cow). She's set wide and level, shes still around. Remember 'that one cow' (one we had culled a while earlier), she was narrow and off.. Come to think of it... It's similar to the women in my life... the wide level ones are still around, the narrow off ones have been culled." (That one made me die laughing... and caused grandma to hit him... lol)
As he says more, or I remember, I'll put 'em up here
-Sam

    Dumber than a doorknob

" God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth. Listen twice as much as you talk.

Obviously, this ain't yer first rodeo!

What'd-ya-do lose all yer marbles?

Pay the dime, dance the dance!

That looks like crippled dog she-ut!

Are ya makin, bag yet?

What? Did yer crocodile mouth get ahead of yer hummingbird a$$?

if it smells like cologne leave it alone

"Rich? Proud? Wise? Your still gonna die like the rest of us."  King David

"If I had the power to move a mountain and didn't love my neighbor. What good would it do me?"  Paul

"Seek the truth, it will set you free."  Jesus

If I didn't pick on ya, you would think I liked ya.
Put that in your juice box and suck it.
Madder than an leggless etheopian watching a donut roll down the hill ( Larry the Cable Guy)
Happier than a retard in a bouncy ball factory( Larry the Cable Guy)

Not sure where it came from but on bad days this works......"The day my ship comes in I will be at the airport"

I almost forgot this one. I stake my claim on it. It was my favourite for the stand and stare employees. " Hello, we are hiring over here"