Show Dad
Well-known member
The following transcript is of a press conference held at 0800 GMT on Saturday, October 11, 2008 in a secret location in the Nevada desert: (A roughly dressed, ruggedly handsome man of above average height, approaches the podium with a swagger in his step, wearing an alien mask and hat.)
SD: Thank you for getting up so early and meeting me here at this dry lake facility. I know most of you endured a long night to be here so let’s get right down to business. I have prepared a short opening statement then will take some time to answer a few questions.
Greetings Citizens of Earth, I come in peace! Sorry I couldn’t help myself. To my fellow galactic inhabitants, I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude for your hospitality and friendship. But I have a confession. (Sounds of camera bulbs flashing) I am not an alien, spaceman or extraterrestrial.
I am a man!
There, I have said it. I know that this alternate identity has been used to hide my true self for far to long. This has caused damage to my id, ego and super ego, as well as, all of you. There is no excuse, except for the good humor in which it was intended.
For this I apologize and ask that you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me. (Tears streaming down from under his mask and sounds of uncontrollable sobbing can be heard)
I….I will open it up to your questions.
Dan Rather: Mr. SD, Has this alternate reality caused you any personal pain?
SD: Uh, Dan, you old fart! Just because you don’t see my family standing here is no reason to think that your eyes are failing. Yes I have felt great personal pain in all of this. Next question!
Morley Saffer: What is your association with SteerPlanet.com? And when did you know that “Red” was a radical pig appendage lover? And what is her association with the KK?
SD: Is that you AJ? Oops, sorry Morley. I thought you were someone else. But take a chill pill. Steer Planet has been a place where everyone talks in code and we get marching orders for the coming alien invasion. Please forgive me old habits die hard.
As for Red, she is a true blue American sweetheart. But if you’d like the real dirt ask me later about her friend Gidget. As for KK, it’s her cat, stupid. Next question.
Katie Couric: SD, Why the alien mask? What is it that you are hiding? Show us the real you!
SD: Katie you ignorant slut! Have you been talking to Simmymom1?
I believe it is time for me to reveal the real man that I am!
(He reaches up to remove the mask causing a flurry of photographic activity.)
SD: Thank you for getting up so early and meeting me here at this dry lake facility. I know most of you endured a long night to be here so let’s get right down to business. I have prepared a short opening statement then will take some time to answer a few questions.
Greetings Citizens of Earth, I come in peace! Sorry I couldn’t help myself. To my fellow galactic inhabitants, I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude for your hospitality and friendship. But I have a confession. (Sounds of camera bulbs flashing) I am not an alien, spaceman or extraterrestrial.
I am a man!
There, I have said it. I know that this alternate identity has been used to hide my true self for far to long. This has caused damage to my id, ego and super ego, as well as, all of you. There is no excuse, except for the good humor in which it was intended.
For this I apologize and ask that you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me. (Tears streaming down from under his mask and sounds of uncontrollable sobbing can be heard)
I….I will open it up to your questions.
Dan Rather: Mr. SD, Has this alternate reality caused you any personal pain?
SD: Uh, Dan, you old fart! Just because you don’t see my family standing here is no reason to think that your eyes are failing. Yes I have felt great personal pain in all of this. Next question!
Morley Saffer: What is your association with SteerPlanet.com? And when did you know that “Red” was a radical pig appendage lover? And what is her association with the KK?
SD: Is that you AJ? Oops, sorry Morley. I thought you were someone else. But take a chill pill. Steer Planet has been a place where everyone talks in code and we get marching orders for the coming alien invasion. Please forgive me old habits die hard.
As for Red, she is a true blue American sweetheart. But if you’d like the real dirt ask me later about her friend Gidget. As for KK, it’s her cat, stupid. Next question.
Katie Couric: SD, Why the alien mask? What is it that you are hiding? Show us the real you!
SD: Katie you ignorant slut! Have you been talking to Simmymom1?
I believe it is time for me to reveal the real man that I am!
(He reaches up to remove the mask causing a flurry of photographic activity.)