Doc
Well-known member
I came across this the other day. I don't remember where I even got it at but I made a few changes to it to make it a little more current. ;D ;D
The Shorthorn Bullyton
We want to introduce ourselves to you. We’re the other boys, a southern alternative to the run-of-the-mill.
We specialize in total Shorthorn business…….all the way from advertising to – whatever – whatever it takes to get your money.
For instance, if it’s advertising that you want , we’ll run you some ads-even let the kids do some pictures in color with their crayons to spruce it up. We’ll try to get the old ladies to type it up real neat and keep the errors to a minimum…..but even if that happens, we’ll still charge you a lot for what you get.
We’ll collect that special old herd bull that you think is the best in the nation….even though we may think that he is a candidate for the “Golden Arches”. As long as the jump steer don’t croak and the Mason jars last, we’ll be glad to catch that semen, look at it under a magnifying glass, brag on it to the high heavens, and charge you for all that. And if you want us to store it and haul it around, we’ll make some room for it in the deep freezer next to the frozen strawberries and charge you for that, too.
That special cow that raises a calf every other year ought to be a candidate for flushing, too. We’ll make sure that the buying public will know what show she was fifth in class at and what her great-great-granddam’s half-sister’s name was. We also believe that if you ignore her TH & PHA status the buying public will, also. We’ll be more than happy to put whatever we get from a flush in the deep freezer ….. right next to that semen you hope to sell. That way we’ll know right where to look and we’ll tell you we had an inquiry about every time we look at it when we get some of those delicious frozen strawberries out of the deep freezer.
When it comes that production sale that you plan to have to get rid of all them heifers that you have bought from every other sale in the continental U.S. of A., we’ll be glad to bring our crack team of sales persons in and help you out. This would be a good opportunity to sell some of that semen and those embryo’s also (besides the wife wants to freeze some blueberries this year & the freezer is getting crowded). Our auctioneer is second only to the rest and the best, and NOBODY can understand his sign language. Remember that confusion can make you money!! Our bunch of ringmen can holler as loud as anybody’s, and they are as capable of separating your customers from their cash as any set of pen-hookers at the crookedest stockyard in the country. In fact, that is where we found some of them. A little lesson in pedigrees and, boy, that’ll make an expert out of them in a hurry.
If you just want to raise hides, we’ll come in and tell you just exactly how to do it. We’ve got some experts on staff …. But we ain’t saying at what just yet… but we’ll come in just the same and let you know what we think. If it’s clipping pastures or salting the critters, we know something about it…and we don’t mind telling you. Just keep on paying that consulting fee and we’ll do both real good.
Our field staff of Hookem, Crookem, and Watchum will be working the territory like a bunch of pickpockets. Whatever you need just make the mistake of letting one of them know and you’ll have the whole organization down on you like a duck on a June bug. Just hold your money up in the air like at one of them tent revivals and your needs will be taken care of.
When it comes to computers and EPD’s, we can’t be beat there, either. We know how to “adjust” the figures, and we can put you on some software that can correct even the weakest of breeding programs.
Remember – we are a full-service organization- and we would really like to “service” you.
The Shorthorn Bullyton
We want to introduce ourselves to you. We’re the other boys, a southern alternative to the run-of-the-mill.
We specialize in total Shorthorn business…….all the way from advertising to – whatever – whatever it takes to get your money.
For instance, if it’s advertising that you want , we’ll run you some ads-even let the kids do some pictures in color with their crayons to spruce it up. We’ll try to get the old ladies to type it up real neat and keep the errors to a minimum…..but even if that happens, we’ll still charge you a lot for what you get.
We’ll collect that special old herd bull that you think is the best in the nation….even though we may think that he is a candidate for the “Golden Arches”. As long as the jump steer don’t croak and the Mason jars last, we’ll be glad to catch that semen, look at it under a magnifying glass, brag on it to the high heavens, and charge you for all that. And if you want us to store it and haul it around, we’ll make some room for it in the deep freezer next to the frozen strawberries and charge you for that, too.
That special cow that raises a calf every other year ought to be a candidate for flushing, too. We’ll make sure that the buying public will know what show she was fifth in class at and what her great-great-granddam’s half-sister’s name was. We also believe that if you ignore her TH & PHA status the buying public will, also. We’ll be more than happy to put whatever we get from a flush in the deep freezer ….. right next to that semen you hope to sell. That way we’ll know right where to look and we’ll tell you we had an inquiry about every time we look at it when we get some of those delicious frozen strawberries out of the deep freezer.
When it comes that production sale that you plan to have to get rid of all them heifers that you have bought from every other sale in the continental U.S. of A., we’ll be glad to bring our crack team of sales persons in and help you out. This would be a good opportunity to sell some of that semen and those embryo’s also (besides the wife wants to freeze some blueberries this year & the freezer is getting crowded). Our auctioneer is second only to the rest and the best, and NOBODY can understand his sign language. Remember that confusion can make you money!! Our bunch of ringmen can holler as loud as anybody’s, and they are as capable of separating your customers from their cash as any set of pen-hookers at the crookedest stockyard in the country. In fact, that is where we found some of them. A little lesson in pedigrees and, boy, that’ll make an expert out of them in a hurry.
If you just want to raise hides, we’ll come in and tell you just exactly how to do it. We’ve got some experts on staff …. But we ain’t saying at what just yet… but we’ll come in just the same and let you know what we think. If it’s clipping pastures or salting the critters, we know something about it…and we don’t mind telling you. Just keep on paying that consulting fee and we’ll do both real good.
Our field staff of Hookem, Crookem, and Watchum will be working the territory like a bunch of pickpockets. Whatever you need just make the mistake of letting one of them know and you’ll have the whole organization down on you like a duck on a June bug. Just hold your money up in the air like at one of them tent revivals and your needs will be taken care of.
When it comes to computers and EPD’s, we can’t be beat there, either. We know how to “adjust” the figures, and we can put you on some software that can correct even the weakest of breeding programs.
Remember – we are a full-service organization- and we would really like to “service” you.
