You Might be a REDNECK if........

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cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
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1,492
Red says it is time to have some fun......So since I seem to be the one always stirring the "FUN pot",  here goes.....

It is time for us to pay homage to the great Foxworthy-isms we want to repeat or invent on our own.  So.... I will start out with a few stupid ones and everybody chime in!!!

(Referrals to Beefpacas are allowed as long the scenios take place in a trailer court or a packing plant.)  ;D

You might be a redneck if: 

You think that Sherlock Holmes is a new housing developement down the road.

You think "Stock Tip" is a great new method for worming calves.

You could be divorced twice, but still have the same in-laws.


You get the idea....everybody add your favorite.  Dont let us down.

 

deep

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Feb 2, 2007
Messages
96
  Instead of a rocking chair on your front porch, you have a washing machine    ;)



  (dog)
 

ELBEE

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Feb 7, 2007
Messages
635
Location
Blue Rapids, Kansas
This just happened to my wife a few minutes ago. She dialed a wrong number, not only did this person know who she was looking for, they new they're number by heart. Then the conversation went on for a 1\2 hour. The funny part was this was in a different area code.

You might be a red neck if; you think your wife's hiny looks better in work jeans from the farm store, than the lattest Fancy fashions.
 

aj

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Jul 5, 2006
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Location
western kansas
You might be a redneck if you can't get out the drivers side door.You go through a window or out the passenger side. ;D
 

genes

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Jan 29, 2007
Messages
392
Or you have to drive with the window open to hold the door shut  (clapping)

If you don't bother owning a belt when there's all that perfectly good baler twine around
 

shortdawg

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Jan 30, 2007
Messages
6,520
Location
Georgia
You tell a prospective date " If you was a heifer , I'd make you Grand Champion " .

True story from college that would defintely qualify for you might be a redneck.

Some guy I don't know tells a girl I do know - " Baby you look as good as a T-Bone steak " !
 

shortyjock89

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Mar 6, 2007
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4,465
Location
IL
I once told a girl that she had a better rear end than the Grand Champion heifer.  I don't think she took it quite as well as I had hoped...nah I'm just kiddin', but It would definately be a Redneck Moment!
 

farmboy

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Apr 21, 2007
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Location
south webster ohio
I WATCHED FOXWORTHY'S SPECIAL AND THE VERY LAST OF EM' WAS YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF YOUR NIPPLE GOT BIT OFF BY A BEAVER  (clapping)
 

red

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Jan 20, 2007
Messages
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Location
LaRue, Ohio
...... if you carry around a set of vise grips in a leather holder on you belt.
....... your wallet is chain driven.
 

mommacow

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May 5, 2007
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76
You have ever hauled livestock in the back of your 2 door car.  (Been there done that)
 

red

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Jan 20, 2007
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Location
LaRue, Ohio
You might be a redneck if you think this is traveling in style!

homecool.jpg
 

cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
Messages
1,492
Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife
> went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called
> out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor
> handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so
> I can see what I am doing!."
>
> Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the
> doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's
> another one coming."
>
> Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that
> lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.
> Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a
> hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one
> coming!" cried the doctor.
>
> The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
> "You reckon, it might be the light that's attractin''em?"

 

cowz

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Jan 10, 2007
Messages
1,492
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

You've ever used a weed eater indoors.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You've been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".

You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'.

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your Momma would rather go to the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital.





 
 

pigguy

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Joined
Jul 4, 2007
Messages
662
Location
kansas
mommacow said:
Your truck is held together by duct tape and bailing wire.
around here we call that waechterizing. because every thing we own has some baling wire on it
 
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